Got this letter in the mail yesterday from myself last summer at Camp Texas, found out I earned all A’s, and got a tub full of mint chocolate chip ice cream from a best friend. As I prepare to leave for two months exploring myself in Spain, I’m once again realizing that God has such a funny way of reminding me that He’s always there. ❤ #blessed #camptexas #spain #newbeginnings #be.here.now
Hello, thank you for coming to me with this concern.
Well, this is something far from what I’ve received as far as advice so I am letting you know before hand I am 19 and I am not married….But I am more than humbled in your bravery and I am here to help with the best of my ability.
Well. Of course, with any relationship one must be fully aware and understand nothing is permanent but change. Nothing. That includes love.
Marriage is a bond. It seals the love between two beings and the ring acts as a bondage. But no piece of diamond can rule over the heart. It is merely saying “I love you and I am giving you my life to stay with you for eternity.” Hence the circle shape of marriage rings. It signifies eternity.
But what happens when one day you wake up and don’t feel the same? What happens when you are out doing grocery shopping and turn your head to see your close friend from years ago and feelings begin to change? What happens then? Who is at fault? Is anyone at fault?
That is my answer. It is normal for one to feel a connection with someone else. It just happens. It doesn’t mean you are evil or that he is disrespectful, it merely means you are human.
And humans change.
And they also suffer.
This is part of the cycle of life you see, everything happens for a reason. And if you pass up every opportunity that arises-you’ll live with regrets.
Culturally we live in a society that shuns the aspect of an affair and looks disrespectfully and someone who is in a relationship but maintains profound feelings for another person.
But that does not make you a bad person.
It makes you, human.
It is true, she is going to feel pain. She is going to feel sadness. She is going to feel remorse, and anger, and loss.
But you know what? Just as she found him, she will find someone else. The people that are placed in your life, are exactly the people that need to be there. Either to teach a lesson, to show happiness, or to show sorrow.
With pain and suffering there is growth. Maybe he is not the one she is meant to be with. Maybe he is meant to be with someone else. Maybe he is here to show you something. Maybe you are here to protect her from something. There are all these possibilites and if you try to deviate from the natural rhythm of life, well you won’t fully live.
So, my advice to you is to do what your heart tells you. Don’t fear that you will be looked down upon or that you will cause her pain. Pain is a natural part of life and it ignites growth. You, the man, and the woman are not committing any type of crime. You are not. You are simply being. You are feeling. You are living. Remember that both everything and everyone that are in your life, are meant to be there at this very moment. Never doubt that. This is why they call it falling in love.
Because when you fall, it is out of your control.
It is a release- a fleeting moment when you connect with another individual beyond explanation and for a moment, for a day, for a week, or for 45 years-you fall. Some fall and continue to fall, deeply in love with one another. Others, they fall and then they grow. They change.
Have a conversation with him. Get your feelings sorted out and if it really is that you two have a connection then you will know. Then he will have a conversation with her. He must be honest with her, if he truly cares for her. He will tell her his feelings and where he is at the moment. If he believes this love with you is real, then he will know.
We always know. Life does not throw situations our way that are easy.
He gives us battles to become stronger.
And with this situation, you must listen to your heart.
Even though someone will get hurt.
Someone always has to get hurt.
It’s how life is.
Because after pain, there is growth and discovery.
After the storm, there is clear skies. After a jump up, you come down. After an argument, there is understanding.
And after love, there is more love. There is always love. And there always will be love.
But sometimes we get it with the wrong person.
I am sending all my strength that I can give you. My patience, my wisdom, my faith in positivity and honesty, my light, and my love.
You all will figure it out.
Just remember, you are humans.
And humans are constantly changing. Grab what you feel is right in this moment before it’s too late.
~ Best wishes, Vanessa Quintero